Why do some relationships fail? What can we do about them?
These are again notes from an old Guru Poornima discourse by Swami Paramarthananda.
To understand the topic “Why do some relationships fail?” we need to understand two kinds of people first and their characteristics.
Two kinds of people
- Wise – Happy(read content) with himself
- Ignorant – Not happy(read not content) with himself
- This classification puts a vast majority of the people in the ignorant bucket.
When two ignorant try to strike a relationship (which is the most common case) these are the characteristics.
Characteristics of an ignorant-ignorant relationship
- Both are not happy with themselves, and they try to gain happiness from each other
- This is like Two unsteady people trying to hold each other in order to become steady (This is one of the best examples that one can attribute to such relationships).
- They both try to influence (sometimes even manipulate) each other (in order to gain happiness)
- Expectations keep mounting, No human can fulfill the expectation of other human – impractical
- More complaints than joy as a result of the relationship
- No question of progress / improvement – because maintenance itself is a struggle – Samsara
Lower your expectations
- Well that kind of sets the expectations you can have from most of the relationships. So what kind of relationships you can trust on, the relationship with the content (wise) – Read – your Guru.
But, what about other relationships, which form a vast majority and which are most likely you run into. Well the only thing we can do is have lower expectations or better zero expectations when you get into such relationships.
You can read the notes (not transcript) that I made from the discourse here
Let go and move on
So next time your friend, relative does something that you did not like, or does not do something when it is really needed (It is not one way, you may also do something that your friends / relatives may not like or refrain from doing what they were expecting from you) – remind yourself this example
Two unsteady people are trying to hold each other in order to become steady
Lesser disappointment as a result. Any favourable outcome is rather an exception (not the norm). This simple and profound thought enables us to move on peacefully by letting go.